My wife (29) of 7 years had cheated on me with one of her long time friends in mid July. I discovered text messages back and forth between them after getting suspicious and finally checking her phone. The texts I read were from a day after DDay, about how good their sex was, I love you, and even discussing a mild fight we had where she recounted things I said and they both laughed about it.
I tried to explain that we may be entering a new stage of marriage where we are comfortable and complacent, it might feel a little boring but maybe that’s just how things get once you’re married for more than a few years. But she is convinced that is wrong and we’ve drifted apart.
Despite spending our days together full of good conversation, good sex, etc. She doesn’t know that I know. I’ve talked to a lawyer and have divorce papers in the works.
Note this is the 2nd time she did this. The first time she cheated when we were dating. We had a 6 month split, worked things out got back together and later married. On the rare occasions we talk about her past infidelity I’ve told her if she ever does it again, we’re done.
We’ve been fine for 6 years with no problems. About a year ago she began getting a little colder and wouldn’t accept my affection. Things like she didn’t hug me back at all. I guess this distance culminated in her affair.
Fast forward to today, I’ve known for 3 weeks and have been waiting for paperwork before confronting her. At first she was clearly not interested in me, but this week she seems to be feeling more guilty about her actions, and a little more interested in me.
She has been trying to do what she can to make up for her actions in her own way. All without us never talking about it. Like washing dishes, cleaning, cooking, all while refusing any help. It’s like she is punishing herself?
In my mind she has completely betrayed me and I can no longer trust her. She has caused me such pain and cannot possibly love me if she is able to do all that. Financially we have been okay but struggled a bit because she doesn’t want to work. She is finally working for a year but it’s a minimum wage part time job and barely covers her bills. I feel like I have to pull all the weight and she is not really my equal.
At the same time I still care about her, value the life we built, and will worry about what will happen to her. I think she could easily fall into a deep depression.
There is really only one way forward and that is divorce, but I am worried about how she will take it and it will be hard to resist taking her back. I almost wish she would happily leave with her new person.
I know I have to divorce her, but not looking forward to the heartbreak, loneliness, and whatever else I can’t even predict.